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Text Post Sat, Aug. 06, 2011 30 notes

@Harley

princessofcrime:

clownprinceofcrime13:

princessofcrime:

clownprinceofcrime13:

After a while, Harley was able to master herself and continue working. She thought out loud to herself “cake… round… what’s that shape thinga-ma-jig called? Cy-…Cylll, Cylind-” She then remembered that she was supposed to be quiet and lowered her voice, “-er, that’s what I need, cylinders!” And she began a more thorough inspection of the junk in the basement. She came across a large cable spool, a dryer tumbler screen, a circular, three-wheeled thingy she had seen people use to go under cars with, and a coffee can that contained something that smelled awful. She wished she had not opened the canister, but quelled her urge to vomit and shut the can back up. She located some old horse glue on a workbench and set to work pasting things together. She felt brilliant.

She looked at her rickety tower of cylindrical objects and thought, “now it needs paint… is there any paint in here? She turned around quickly and slipped on a piece of pipe that was laying about. As she fell, she knocked over the entire contents of the workbench, including her piece of art which had cracked in three distinct pieces. “Oh great,” she thought, sitting in the mess, “I’m gonna get it now…” She sat and waited for her imminent doom.

He was instantly awake at the sound of crashing, rolling his eyes as he realized it was only Harley and not Batman crashing through the ceiling. Of course, he had to go investigate. He was no longer tired and yelling at Harley seemed to be the most entertaining thing he had to do.

He quickly made his way down to the basement, throwing open the door only to see Harley sitting on the ground staring up at him. She was surrounded by tools and other miscellaneous things, and appeared quiet frustrated by the situation. He was silent for a moment, now a bit more curious than angry. “Harley…what are you doing on the floor?”

She looked up. He was there, in the doorway. It was so sudden she didn’t know how to react to his question. She turned her head and just stared blankly with a vague sense of curiosity until she worked out what she had been asked. “Oh! I am on the floor, aren’t I? You are so clever Mistah J!” She stared admiringly at him and then said, “oh! But, I’m on the floor because I sorta messed up the cake I had built and I fell!” she said in a casual manner. She began looking around for the pieces to her creation; maybe if she got them together and reassembled it real quick in front of him she could impress him.

He stared at her silently as she praised him on his observation, letting out a frustrated sigh as he heard that she had messed up the cake. “Harley….I have given you the simple task of making a simple cake. Is it really so hard? I think perhaps I should’ve given the task to one of your rabid pets…Maybe they’d have enough sense to not drop it on the floor.” He wasn’t yelling by any means, but there was a certain hint of maliciousness behind each and every word.

She knew that he was just being tough on her. She played up the innocent failure bit, saying “awww, shucks Mistah J… I didn’t mean it, I promise ya’! I swear I’ll make an even better one for ya’! If ya’ don’t like it when it’s done, you can make me into dog food for all I care! Just one more chance, pleeeeeeeeeasssssse Mistah J??” She knew that he could hardly stand her when she was like this with him. Any moment now he would growl and walk away, annoyed, leaving her to fix her mistake.

Harley’s prediction was exactly right. He rolled his eyes as he heard her begging, looking down at the girl. “You have an hour, Harley, before I take you up on that dog food offer.” He looked at her a moment longer before speaking in a slightly more annoyed tone. “Well, get on with it!” and with that, he turned on his heel and left her to her task.






Photo Post Fri, Jul. 29, 2011 114 notes

jokersgirl4ever:

knock knock puddin! Say hello to your new improved Harley quinn!

jokersgirl4ever:

knock knock puddin! Say hello to your new improved Harley quinn!

(Source: antekkereh, via arseniccupcakes)





Text Post Mon, Jul. 25, 2011 30 notes

@Harley

princessofcrime:

clownprinceofcrime13:

After a while, Harley was able to master herself and continue working. She thought out loud to herself “cake… round… what’s that shape thinga-ma-jig called? Cy-…Cylll, Cylind-” She then remembered that she was supposed to be quiet and lowered her voice, “-er, that’s what I need, cylinders!” And she began a more thorough inspection of the junk in the basement. She came across a large cable spool, a dryer tumbler screen, a circular, three-wheeled thingy she had seen people use to go under cars with, and a coffee can that contained something that smelled awful. She wished she had not opened the canister, but quelled her urge to vomit and shut the can back up. She located some old horse glue on a workbench and set to work pasting things together. She felt brilliant.

She looked at her rickety tower of cylindrical objects and thought, “now it needs paint… is there any paint in here? She turned around quickly and slipped on a piece of pipe that was laying about. As she fell, she knocked over the entire contents of the workbench, including her piece of art which had cracked in three distinct pieces. “Oh great,” she thought, sitting in the mess, “I’m gonna get it now…” She sat and waited for her imminent doom.

He was instantly awake at the sound of crashing, rolling his eyes as he realized it was only Harley and not Batman crashing through the ceiling. Of course, he had to go investigate. He was no longer tired and yelling at Harley seemed to be the most entertaining thing he had to do.

He quickly made his way down to the basement, throwing open the door only to see Harley sitting on the ground staring up at him. She was surrounded by tools and other miscellaneous things, and appeared quiet frustrated by the situation. He was silent for a moment, now a bit more curious than angry. “Harley…what are you doing on the floor?”

She looked up. He was there, in the doorway. It was so sudden she didn’t know how to react to his question. She turned her head and just stared blankly with a vague sense of curiosity until she worked out what she had been asked. “Oh! I am on the floor, aren’t I? You are so clever Mistah J!” She stared admiringly at him and then said, “oh! But, I’m on the floor because I sorta messed up the cake I had built and I fell!” she said in a casual manner. She began looking around for the pieces to her creation; maybe if she got them together and reassembled it real quick in front of him she could impress him.

He stared at her silently as she praised him on his observation, letting out a frustrated sigh as he heard that she had messed up the cake. “Harley….I have given you the simple task of making a simple cake. Is it really so hard? I think perhaps I should’ve given the task to one of your rabid pets…Maybe they’d have enough sense to not drop it on the floor.” He wasn’t yelling by any means, but there was a certain hint of maliciousness behind each and every word.






Photo Post Thu, Jul. 14, 2011 5 notes

quelquechosedebizarre:

from Joker: Last Laugh Secret Files and Origins  #1
(C) DC 2001

quelquechosedebizarre:

from Joker: Last Laugh Secret Files and Origins #1

(C) DC 2001




Ask me anything Thu, Jul. 14, 2011 1 note
Anonymous Asked:
Tell us about the first time you killed something.

The first time I killed something….

The first time I killed something I was in Slovakia on a business trip. You see, they have a company there where you can pay money to torture and murder a tourist they’ve kidnapped for you.

Actually, I think that was the plot to the movie Hostel, not a memory. Oh well.





Photo Post Thu, Jul. 14, 2011 6 notes

time-for-tea:

Today felt really boring to me.
So I made it better by fighting crime!!

That cape. Why don’t I have a cape? The bat gets a cape.
Adding to my to-do list: tell Harley to sew me a big green and purple cape.

time-for-tea:

Today felt really boring to me.

So I made it better by fighting crime!!

That cape. Why don’t I have a cape? The bat gets a cape.

Adding to my to-do list: tell Harley to sew me a big green and purple cape.

(Source: reichenbastard-archive)




Ask me anything Thu, Jul. 14, 2011 3 notes
Anonymous Asked:
'Ey man! Tell us what brand(s) of makeup you use to adorn that flashy smile of yours.

…Really? I kill hundreds- no, thousands of people and I’m approached and asked for makeup tips?! Regardless of what that ‘Heath Ledger’ guy insisted in that ridiculous movie about me, I do not wear makeup. You’re better off asking Harley.

but if I did feel the urge to wear red lipstick one day to make my lips just a bit lovelier, I would use the Bat’s blood.





Text Post Mon, Jul. 11, 2011 30 notes

@Harley

After a while, Harley was able to master herself and continue working. She thought out loud to herself “cake… round… what’s that shape thinga-ma-jig called? Cy-…Cylll, Cylind-” She then remembered that she was supposed to be quiet and lowered her voice, “-er, that’s what I need, cylinders!” And she began a more thorough inspection of the junk in the basement. She came across a large cable spool, a dryer tumbler screen, a circular, three-wheeled thingy she had seen people use to go under cars with, and a coffee can that contained something that smelled awful. She wished she had not opened the canister, but quelled her urge to vomit and shut the can back up. She located some old horse glue on a workbench and set to work pasting things together. She felt brilliant.

She looked at her rickety tower of cylindrical objects and thought, “now it needs paint… is there any paint in here? She turned around quickly and slipped on a piece of pipe that was laying about. As she fell, she knocked over the entire contents of the workbench, including her piece of art which had cracked in three distinct pieces. “Oh great,” she thought, sitting in the mess, “I’m gonna get it now…” She sat and waited for her imminent doom.

He was instantly awake at the sound of crashing, rolling his eyes as he realized it was only Harley and not Batman crashing through the ceiling. Of course, he had to go investigate. He was no longer tired and yelling at Harley seemed to be the most entertaining thing he had to do.

He quickly made his way down to the basement, throwing open the door only to see Harley sitting on the ground staring up at him. She was surrounded by tools and other miscellaneous things, and appeared quiet frustrated by the situation. He was silent for a moment, now a bit more curious than angry. “Harley…what are you doing on the floor?”

(Source: clownprinceofcrime13, via princessofcrime)






Text Post Sat, Jul. 09, 2011 3 notes

killermothstrikes:

clownprinceofcrime13:

killermothstrikes:

Taking one last look at himself in the mirror, straightening out his three piece suit, and putting on his coke bottle glasses, Ex-convict Drury Walker said goodbye, and Millionaire Entrepreneur Cameron Van Cleer said hello. To his employees and trustees, he had been away on “business”. You never question the boss.

“What must a man do to bring a little injustice to this world?” he thought, holding his golden Moth helmet, smirking at his reflection. If the boys at Blackgate could see him now. “Who can I turn to to help me bring a little ill will into this world?” he said out loud, to no one, as he unpacked his costume. It might be a little tight on him after his state funded vacation, but with a little working out, he would be okay to wear his outfit again. “Who?” he asked, even louder. He somewhat expected his gear to respond. He was only answered by the echoes in the Mothcave. As he picked up boxes to throw them out, an old newspaper article fell to the ground. The bold headline stated “Joker Escapes Arkham, Again!” The universe had answered his question. How could he have forgotten The Joker? After his tireless efforts to be the opposite of the dark, brooding Batman, he should have remembered he was not the only one who despised the Bat. But how would he find him? He hoped the Universe would provide him with that answer as well.

Cameron sighed hard. In the meantime, The governor was having a banquet soon, and he was invited. How would it look if one of Gotham’s elite didn’t show up for his honor’s big party.

Killer Moth? What is it that keeps attracting flying vermin to me? Is it my cologne?” He stuck his arm out in front of the man’s face, insisting that he take a sniff just to be sure. The man, whom he didn’t really know all that well, had given him a tip that someone named the Killer Moth was searching for him. Well, he couldn’t have this moth man getting in his way, so it appeared that he was going to have to arrange a meeting. “Hunt this moth down and tell him to show up here tonight.” He pulled a business card out of his pocket, which seemed to be for some sort of comedy club, and tossed it to the man; the address was on the card.

   The delivery guy handed the card and rather hastily ran off. The card was for the grand opening of a new comedy club. Well, I guess when you are back in action, they all come out of the woodwork. Drury felt like this might be the way to try out being “Cameron” again. It would feel good to shake the cobwebs off.  The rest of the day he practiced his voice and body movement, as well as making sure he answered to Cameron. He wondered if others had this problem.

   When getting dressed, he mulled over maybe wearing his cocoon gun under his clothes. A little practice couldn’t hurt. But he decided against it. It was a comedy club. What’s the worst that could happen? He could use a good laugh.

The Joker had already been standing on the stage of the abandoned comedy club by the time the Moth arrived. The doors were rigged to lock as soon as someone walked in, making sure the man he was meeting couldn’t run upon seeing that he was the only one there.

At the sound of footsteps, the clown grabbed hold of the microphone and began to speak. (Out of character: I feel like I should warn that this is going to be incredibly offensive, even though that should be a given.) “So, this man walks into the operating room where his wife just gave birth and the doctor says ‘I have wonderful news! Your baby can fly!’ and the doctor starts tossing the baby around in the air. The man shouts ‘What are you doing?!’ and the doctor responds ‘No, really, it’s unbelievable! Watch this!’ and tosses the baby out the window, shattering glass and everything!’ then the man goes ‘You bastard! You’ve killed my child!’ and then the doctor says-” the man stopped to suppress a chuckled, looking out at his audience of one. “the doctor says…’Just kidding! It was still-born!’” And with that the Joker burst into hysterical laughter, barely able to remain standing.





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